Bill's Dairy
Ocober 17th 2009
Our regular gig at The Queens Head, Box. My status as a sex god was reinforced by the adulation I received from some new groupies proving that the black string vest was well worth the investment.
October 3rd
Beer festival at The Wellington Pub in Bristol. An outdoor gig - a wet day rather put the dampeners on it but we had a laff! Great sound engineer in the shape of Aaron Sayers of Track21 - highly recommended.
October 2nd
But the second night at Woods was a stormer. Everybody liked us and we liked everybody.
September 25th
The first of two nights to celebrate the 30th anniversary of Woods Restaurant in Bath. They weren't sure if they liked us at first. Later, they weren't sure if they didn't like us.
September 18th
Played Nick Steel's birthday party at Widcombe Social Club. A jolly affair where the sparkling wine flowed like water and the canapes were outstanding. Nick was 40 but looks a bit younger (39 at the most).
September 12th & 13th
Wookey Hole Music Festival. A micro-festival at the Wookey Hole club in Wookey Hole (funnily enough). Gurt enjoyable weekend and good to see our loyal supporter Rupert grinning in the audience. Did me "School of Rock" workshop and taught 'em a thing or two!
August 29th
Hewishstock Festival, Crewkerne. A small, well run private festival where the beer flowed like water and so did I.
August 28th
A new gig for us at The Globe in Sampford Peverell, deepest Devon. Stirred up the locals including me mother-in-law who at 90 years of age was dancing like a good 'un. Gurt hospitable staff and comfortable accommodation.
July 1st
Drank a bit too much Liebfraumilch and went down with wine flu.
June 26th
Charity gig at a pub in Malmsbury. Shot quite a few children.
June 20th
Charity Bike Ride gig at Bath Ales Brewery. (Bath Ales probably make the best beer in the world!) Fulfilled a long held ambition to play at a piss-up in a brewery. A lot of cyclists drank a lot of beer - one or two were never seen again!
June 3rd
Played at Bonbon's Big Fringe Nite which was gurt smashin'. Was mauled by several women by the chip counter.
April 30th
It's always a good gig at The Beehive in Swindon but this one was crackin' !
March 28th
Private Party in Bristol for Dave (there's nothing like one) who was 60. He's got more friends than is seemly - probably cos he's called Dave I expect.
March 23rd
Gig at The Two Pigs, Corsham. Good turnout of Smarmites including Mike Martin-Mike who's birthday it was. He's in this loony band called the London Philharmonic Skiffle Orchestra. Which is int'restin' like cos they don't come from London, they are not a philharmonic orchestra, and they don't play skiffle. Well worth seeing though.
March 7th
Played at The Queens Head in Box. Dean the landlord cranked up the volume causing people to dance. Now that's a good ideal.
February 13th & 14th 2009
"The Man With Lucky Lips" show at The Rondo Theatre, Bath. See Review on Welcome page.
BILL & LOLA'S ROUNDUP OF THE YEAR 2008
JANUARY. Waistlines raised their heads above the bar once again. We hit the sales and bought matching leopard skin Lycra outfits for keep-fit.
FEBRUARY. Arranged surprise Valentines weekend break for Lola in Twerton caravan park. Dave and I went to lapdance weekend in Swindon.
MARCH. Gave up dripping sandwiches for Lent. Gave keep-fit outfits to charity shop.
APRIL. Arrested for disorderly conduct outside Widcombe Social Club. Case dismissed after Lola spotted the judge at one of her "entertainments".
MAY. Spring cleaning and sap rising. Lola went for a new thong fitting for her new show "Lashings of Lola".
JUNE. Entered Malibu and Dubonnet in Widcombe Dog Show. Didn't win again but Lady Margaret awarded runner-up prize to Lola.
JULY. Took a flight from Bristol to Majorcal but we were taken off the plane at Luton because of "inappropriate behaviour". Spent a very pleasant week in the Travel Lodge by the airport before flying back to Bristol.
AUGUST. Our daughter Salome got her exam results and began her apprenticeship as a shelf-stacker in Lidl.
SEPTEMBER. Rounded off the festival season at the very green Ragged Hedge Fair. Fell asleep on a solar panel whilst topping up me suntan and put Stage 3 out of action for 2 hours.
OCTOBER. Went trick-or-treating on Halloween. Treat was a kiss from me and the trick was a kiss from...well, you can guess I 'spec.
NOVEMBER. Showed Lola me new Roman candle on fireworks night and she went off like a rocket.
DECEMBER. New extension at me boozer The Smarme's Arms going well, built by me building firm Smarmerection (Building for Nobs). Held firm's Christmas party there. Had a bit too much to drink and fell in a trench. Lola was there already.
December 7th 2008
"Bill Smarme's Christmas Extravaganzal" at The Bell in Bath. A rollockin' good time was had by all and sundry and we sold loadsa CDs The Man With Lucky Lips which has just been released. Mince pies courtesy of Turners Pies and Pastries.
November 6th
Gig at The Beehive, Swindon. We just love Andy's sandwiches which he does for the band and which generally include a fair number of Smarmite with all the trimmings.
September 27th
60th Birthday Party of longtime Smarme fan Graham Whitfield at the Porter Butt in Bath. We played his 50th just about 10 years ago - don't mention 70!!
August 29th-31st
Two festivals in one weekend! The twentieth Didmarton Bluegrass Festival - Bill Smarme & His Bunch of Cowboys played the very first one in 1989. A rare appearance this year by Lola Lash (aka Smarme) presenting an excerpt from her show "Lashings of Lola". She showed us what to do with industrial rubber gloves and a sink plunger. (As if we didn't know!)
August 29th
The Ragged Hedge Fair near Cirencester. Played Saturday lunchtime to a happy audience. A great little festival totally wind and solar powered. And we got there by horse and cart so there!
July 26th
Really good gig at Trowbridge Folk Festival which this year fell on the actual weekend of The Great British Summer. Very well received as we sweated our way through a pared down, knock 'em dead set.
July 7th
Played at The Griffin in Frome as part of Frome Festival. One old boy reckoned it was the best night's entertainment he'd had in all of his 69 years! To say he should have got out more is rather late advice I guess!
June 15th
Widcombe Rising. Another perfect weather day for this, the third, Widcombe Rising street party. We played on The West End Stage and our gig was notable for two things. Due to an extended drinking session I forgot a record number of words and chords, and a power cut halfway through our last number brought proceedings to an abrupt end - probably just as well. See photos on The Bizness page.
June 7th
Mike Hulin's 60th birthday party at The Royal Oak, Widcombe. No shortage of free food at this one, or free beer come to that. A crackin' do which ended at 5.30 am apparently. We were long gone.
June 6th
Played at Chris and Erika's wedding party in Pucklechurch. Marquees in the garden of a big 400 year old farmhouse. Good do except all the food ran out before we could get to it!
June 3rd
Bill Smarme's Misguided Tour. It is estimated that 150 people turned up for a tour based on a typical night out in Widcombe for meself. See me account of proceedings at the Misguided Tour page.
May 3rd
Another one at The Queens Head, Box. Dean the landlord's birthday. The presence of a three-piece suite on stage prompted the introduction of a new feature 'On the Sofa with Smarme'. I was joined on the sofa by Emily who, it has to be said, brought a bit of joy into an old man's life. I shall be waiving all fees at this pub in the future in return for the sofa (and Emily) as a permanent fixture.
April 1st
Fame at last. Just received a phone call from Martin Scorsese wanting to make a movie of a Bill Smarme performance. Working title is "Line of Shite" and will feature concert footage from The Queens Head, Box, interspersed with backstage changing sequences in the Gents and naked interviews with the band. Intended for release in arthouse cinemas and under the counter at Lidl.
March 8th
Gig at The Queens Head in Box. An erratic affair as we struggled to compete for floor space on the west country's smallest stage. Good turnout of Smarmites but I had just a bit too much Elixir of Smarme. Potent stuff.
February 14th
The Red Hot Lovers perform at Bonbon's Valentine Cabaret in Widcombe. We do our disco classics which goes down a bomb with the women and ladies. We get one back to our flat to watch Sky Sports and sample our keg beer and crinkle cut chips. Result.
February 11th
Gig at The Two Pigs, Corsham. First gig with our brand new PA which performed better than we did. Not a bad gig though.
January 11th 2008
Kick off the new year with a wedding reception in Burnham-on-Sea for an old friend of the band, Graham, who runs GC Music in Burnham. His brand new wife, Kim, turns out to be a stunning performer with special skills on the kazoo. (OK, her only skills are on the kazoo!) Excellent do with loadsa food and lashings of ginger beer.
